Once More, With Spoilers
by MissyA
Summary: In this series of Once More With Feeling song parodies, the Buffy characters sing about Season Seven spoilers and speculation available on the net. WARNING: Spoilers! (obviously)
1. Going Through the Spoilers

SPOILERS:  Season 7

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.

*******

Going Through the Spoilers  (to the tune of Going Through the Motions) 

BUFFY: (verse one)

Every single night, the same arrangement,

I go out and sight the sites.

Still I always feel this strange estrangement,

Is anything here real? Is anything here right?

If a site's about the show, straight there I go

Just hoping someone knows,

For I've been going through the spoilers

Looking for my part.

I want to know how season seven starts.

(verse two)

Six ended with Grave in which Dawn fought plus

Now I find they're rebuilding.

Even though I've left, I think you might just

Find me there working.

VAMP 1:  She's done the high school thing.

BUFFY:  Thanks for noticing.

VAMPS AND DEMON:

There may be some truth to high school hell,

But we will never tell.

We want her going through the spoilers

DEMON:

Going through the spoilers

VAMP 2:  That we try to fake somehow.

DEMON:  The Oracle's not ever right *smap* – owww.

BUFFY:

Will I end up there forever?

To find my future I endeavor

HANDSOME GUY:  It's a job, you're paid

BUFFY:  Whatever.

I don't want to be…

Going through the spoilers

And finding they're all lies.

I can't even see

What is real for me,

And I don't want to be… 

Surprised.

***


	2. I've Got a Theory

SPOILERS:  Season 7  (includes both spoilers and speculation)

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.  Additional note, this was the parody that started it all (none of them were written in order), so I'd like to take this opportunity to say the BC&S Boards rock!

*******

I've Got a Theory / Shakespeare / Together  (to the tune of I've Got a Theory / Bunnies / Together) 

GILES:

I've got a theory

That it's a demon

A shape-shifting demon!

No, something isn't right there.

WILLOW:

I've got a theory

The CoW is schemin'

And they'll come back again and make our lives a nightmare.

XANDER:  I've got a theory we can work this out.

ANYA/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER:  It's getting eerie, what's this speculation all about?

XANDER:

It could be Curry!

Mr. Tim Curry!

Which is ridiculous, cause it just appeared on IMDb, he has a show, and I'll be over here.

ANYA:  I've got a theory!  It could be Shakespeare!

*crickets chirping*

TARA:  I've got a – 

ANYA:

Shakespeare's not so great like everybody supposes!

He wrote all those plays, but never, ever proses!

And what's with all the sonnets?

What's iambic pentameter for anyway?

Shakespeare!

Shakespeare!

It must be Shakespeare!

Or maybe Ballard.

WILLOW:  I've got a theory we should work this fast.

WILLOW/GILES:  Because we must know Season 7 before it's passed.

BUFFY:

I've got a theory.  It doesn't matter.

What can't we watch if we're together?

What's on this show that we can't weather?

Character death?

We've all been there.

Epiphanies,

Why should we care?

ALL EXCEPT GILES:

What can we do, it's Joss's power?

And the show, it ends within an hour.

ALL:

We have to try

We'll pay the price

We'll see those who've died

BUFFY: Hey, I've died twice.

ALL:  What can't we watch if we're together?

GILES:  What can't we watch…

ALL:  What's on this show that we can't weather?

GILES:  …if we're together…

ALL:  There's nothing we can't watch.

ANYA:  Except for Shakespeare.

***

Spuffy  (to the tune of The Mustard) 

DAVID FURY:  

I want the Spuffy out!

CHORUS:  

He wants the Spuffy out!

***


	3. I Must Bid Farewell

SPOILERS:  Season 7 (although this song is more speculative than spoilery)

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.  Additional note, this parody was the hardest one to write because there was no way I could keep the "I'm happy and in love" tone of the original.  *sigh*  poor Tara.

*******

I Must Bid Farewell  (to the tune of Under Your Spell) 

TARA: (verse one)

I lived my life in shadow,

The credits did not show my name.

It didn't seem so bad, though,

I was on all the same.

But it appeared one night,

Something just wasn't right.

I must bid farewell,

How else could it be,

After what was on tv?

There's a tale to tell,

A plot twist caused by me,

A continuation of story.

(verse two)

Will and I made advancements,

Our relationship on the air.

We always took for granted

That I would always be there.

But now I am gone,

Should we before then have known?

I must bid farewell,

Nothing we can do

'Cause my time here now is through.

Will I be back?  Who can tell?

If only we knew

For my future what is true.

Who should we believe?

(verse three)

Some guesses we've tried:

Perhaps a spirit guide.

'Cause I have bid farewell.

So maybe flashbacking,

Or something that looks like me.

There's other ways as well,

Such as in a dream,

Or I might be behind the scenes.

What we know's incomplete!

What we know's incomplete

What we know's incomplete

What we know…

***


	4. They'll Never Tell

SPOILERS:  Season 7  (includes both spoilers and speculation)

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.

*******

They'll Never Tell  (to the tune of I'll Never Tell) 

ANYA:

This is the man that I planned to entangle,

But he changed his mind.

Now I've next season to try to untangle – 

Answers to find!

Will I stay in the biz?

And will my future be with his?

The only trouble is –

They'll never tell.

XANDER:

She was the one,

It's a wonder we're done,

But will she be replaced?

Will I make things right?  And I sure miss her tight – 

Embrace!  Tight embrace!

I went and let her go,

Will I woo her back now on the show?

Are they answering that? – No,

They'll never tell.

BOTH:  But there's something to tell.

ANYA:  I'm back.

XANDER:  I'm funny.

ANYA:  He's built the high school and has money.

XANDER:  What will she do now that she's vengeance demonized?

ANYA:  I'm not his honey.

XANDER:  What's with this fear of bunnies?

ANYA:  And next season will he still be the "normal guy"?

BOTH:  

I must know what's for me.

XANDER:  Why do we have to wait and see?

ANYA:  Why don't they tell us what will be?

XANDER:  And why is there still no Emmy?

BOTH:

But that's all very well

'Cause god knows, they'll never tell!

ANYA:

With a suit and car, he

May think I'll get all starry,

But I wouldn't go that far, see

'Cause you just never know.

XANDER:

She'll sing,

But wait,

She's not signed for season eight.

She nev- 

ANYA:  Then what's my fate?

XANDER:  I'm busy posting, hello!

ANYA:  (spoken) Look at this!  The board is crazy!

BOTH:  

We have…

XANDER:  No information.

ANYA:  Which means frustration. 

XANDER:

I need nobody's pity,

I will be all cool and witty,

But will I ever fell your – 

Tight embrace!

ANYA:  So tell.

XANDER:  Please tell us.

ANYA:  If others know, I'm jealous.

XANDER:  Because this whole Hell's Bells fuss is about our lives.

ANYA:

You saw this tale,

The wedding, how it failed.

But in the future will we end up side by side?

BOTH:

No lies,

No spoiler-frees,

I've tried,

But I want answers as well.

XANDER:  Is she granting wishes when she's told?

ANYA:  Will he forget me when I've left the show?

XANDER:  Will my life still be so stressful now that I am more successful?

ANYA:  Can I be a justice demon if it just doesn't have meanin'?

XANDER:  What's with Spanya?

ANYA:  And with Ganya?

XANDER:  I just want to understand ya.

BOTH: 

'Cause not knowing a thing is making waiting a hell!

So why won't they ever tell?

I swear that they'll never tell!

XANDER:  Their lips are sealed.

ANYA:  They take the fifth.

XANDER: 

Won't let us see,

Move us along.

BOTH:

They'll never

Tell!

***

Season Six  (to the tune of The Parking Ticket) 

MARTI NOXON:

I've been having a bad, bad day.

Won't you put your complaints away?

I'm asking you please no,

It isn't right; it isn't fair.

There were no epiphanies anywhere,

I think that anvil wasn't there.

Why can't you let it go?

I think I'm blamed more than my share…

*******


	5. Lurk in Peace

SPOILERS:  Season 7  (mostly speculation)

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.

*******

Lurk in Peace  (to the tune of Rest in Peace) 

SPIKE: (verse one)

I left

So many months ago.

But I'm back in Sunnydale,

And I have a soul.

What will now become of me,

I think you want to know.

Mmm, mmm.

(verse two)

Maybe

My soul I won't reveal.

I'll help the Scoobies secretly,

And with my guilt I'll deal.

And there's the Shanshu Prophecy,

Could that for me be real?

(verse three)

Or else

This could go another way,

Even if I have a soul

It might not be here to stay.

I may choose to give it up,

But I have one thing to say:

Just let me lurk in peace.

(refrain)

Let me lurk in peace,

Let your theories keep.

You can take your spec and bury it

In a hole six foot deep.

You can read the spoilers,

But have the speculation cease.

And let me lurk in peace!

(verse four)

Perhaps

I'll be good and save,

But if that is just what you thought,

You might be amazed.

'Cause I could become evil now

With my soul anyway.

So let me lurk in peace.

(bridge)

I know you have to know,

But with my fate you are obsessed.

I want to say give it a rest,

It's my future you're all trying to guess.

And you always ask if you'll see my chest

(Well, yeah, I know you are impressed),

But leave me be.

(refrain)

And let me lurk in peace,

Let your theories keep.

You can take your spec and bury it

In a hole six foot deep.

You can read the spoilers,

But have the speculation cease…

Let me lurk in peace.

Why won't you

Let me lurk in peace?

***


	6. What You Read

SPOILERS:  No spoilers for this song

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.

*******

Dawn's Lament  (to the tune of Dawn's Lament :) 

Does anybody even like me?  Does anybody even care?

***

What You Read  (to the tune of What You Feel) 

SWEET:  (verse one)

Why'd you all complain?

Don't you like my … style?

You know I'm here to stay,

I guarantee no …

Great big smiles.

I come from a 

Corporation,

And I'm sure not here by your

Invocation.

So what do you say?

Why don't we surf awhile?

(verse two)

They're the hot thing,

They're what a site's about.

I know you gotta sing,

I know you gotta … let it out.

You post these and I come a-running.

You want your spoilers?

I'll have some fun then.

Attacks on spoilers,

That's what it's all about.

'Cause I know … what you read, girl.

I know just what you read, girl.

DAWN: (spoken) So, you're like a good entertainment executive?  Bringing the spoilers in?

SWEET:

All these spoilers …

They've gone on too long.

Then my lawyers, they

Start to come on way too strong.

No more information, that must sting

Plus, some spoiler sites just start combusting.

That's the penalty

When spoilers are put on.

There've been secrets brought into this town

So, I will end this scene.

And I will go deal these websites a blow,

I will be real mean.

'Cause I know what you read, girl.

DAWN:

No, you see

Spoiler-free's

Not the way we wanna be, though.

SWEET: I'll make it real, girl.

DAWN:

This info's free,

Not property,

So this spoiler thing is legal.

SWEET:

I can bring whole websites to ruin,

And still have time to get reality shows brewin'.

DAWN:

Well, that's great,

But just wait

We will find another way, sir.

SWEET:

No more cooking, turn off the griddle,

Too bad for fans stuck in the middle.

DAWN:

We'll get pissed,

They'll be missed,

On this board, they will stay here.

SWEET: (spoken) They'll stay here?

DAWN: Yuh-huh.

SWEET: (to minions) Find them.  We'll tell them … tell them nothing.  Just stop them here.  I want to see a website burn.  

SWEET: (sings) No more spoilers.  That's what it's all about.

***


	7. The Atlantic's in the Way

SPOILERS:  Season 7  (minor spoilers and speculation)

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.   Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.  Explanatory note, the GNAT referred to in the song stands for Giles Needs Action Too, a 'ship that originated on the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board.

*******

The Atlantic  (to the tune of Standing) 

GILES:

I've moved on now to some roles outside,

Can they do without me?  They've already tried.

I was in one place, they were on the other side,

But the…

There's talk of spinoffs, but it's all uphill,

Shall Ripper happen?  I can hope it will.

It seems this project now is standing still,

But the…

I wish I could see the future

To know just what is planned.

Wish I could play the watcher

And be the guiding hand.

Wish I could stay here,

But now I'm in England.

The Atlantic's in the way.

It may seem like what we know is small,

But spoilers say you'll see me this fall

('Though when I'm not here will I get mentioned at all?)

But the… 

I wish I could just find out now

If this season's the last.

Wish GNAT would happen because

So much time has passed.

Wish I could stay here

And be part of the cast,

But the Atlantic's in the way,

The Atlantic's in the way.

***

I Must Bid Farewell / The Atlantic (reprise)  (to the tune of Under Your Spell / Standing) 

TARA:

I must bid farewell.

Joss, how can this be?

I'll be just a memory.

Some fans have been through hell

So what will we see? 

Will there be some sign of me?

Who should we believe?

GILES: 

Believe me, I don't want to go.

GILES / TARA:

And it'll grieve me 'cause I love this show,

But we both know…

GILES: (sung at same time as Tara)

Wish I could see the future

To know just what is planned.

Wish I could play the watcher

And be the guiding hand.

TARA: (sung at same time as Giles)

Wish I could trust some spoilers just this once,

But we just go and discuss,

And we all must, it seems, adjust.

I'm gone 'though I just…

GILES / TARA:

Wish I could stay

Wish I could stay

Wish I could stay

Wish I could stay…

***


	8. Drawn to the Wildfeed

SPOILERS:  No spoilers in this song.

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  These Once More With Feeling song parodies were originally posted at the Buffy Cross and Stake Spoiler Board, http://www.voy.com/13746/ during July, August and September of 2002.  They're based on the spoilers and speculation that have been under discussion there.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer is property of Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.  These parodies are just done for fun, and no copyright infringement is intended.  Additional note - A big thank you to Leoff, who provides the spoiler fiends among us with wildfeed summaries.

*******

Drawn to the Wildfeed  (to the tune of Walk Through the Fire)

BUFFY:  (verse one)

I've heard false spoilers and it freezes me,

And my tv screen is black.

So what is real?

I must know so I can deal.

I want the wildfeed back!

(verse two)

Now 'cross the net, it calls to me;

I know there won't be any flames.

Will I save the day

Or maybe melt away?

I'll read it all the same.

(refrain)

So I am drawn to the wildfeed

'Cause where else can I turn?

I will go read the wildfeed

For which I – 

SPIKE:  (verse three)

It's torture just to wait and see,

Buffy's read it I've no doubt.

I bet it's lies,

I want to be surprised!

I better go find out.

SWEET:  (refrain)

'Cause she is drawn to the wildfeed,

SWEET: Some people have to learn. / SPIKE: She will have to learn.

SPIKE/SWEET:

And she will go read the wildfeed

For which she – 

GILES:  (bridge)

Will this episode be stranger?

Is it 'Tuesday, Dawn's in danger?

Does anybody watching even care?

XANDER:  

It's been shown, how do we see it?

ANYA:

A C-band satellite system's needed,

So we have to read about it there.

ANYA/GILES/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER:  (refrain)

We'll read it through,

It's what we're always there to do,

So we will go read the wildfeed.

BUFFY:  (verse four)

So one by one, they'll wait to see

Because this episode's not old.

But how it goes, not one among them knows,

And I sure must be told.

TARA:  (descant)

What can't we watch…

If we're together?

(sung together with Sweet/Buffy)

ANYA: Will this season be much graver?

SPIKE: It's a thriller not to stay here.

TARA: We'll soon know if this ep is so dark.

SPIKE: No I'll stay here, that's the thriller.

WILLOW: Windex shines, that's mostly filler.

GILES: How is season seven gonna start?

(sung together with above)

SWEET:

So one by one they click on it

With Leoff Online as their guide.

BUFFY:

Going through the spoilers,

Looking for my part.

SWEET:

To wait a day

Ain't what they had in mind.

They will read what's inside.

BUFFY: These endless days are finally ending, so Hooray! 

SWEET: She will come to see.

BUFFY/ANYA/GILES/SPIKE/TARA/WILLOW/XANDER:

And we are drawn to the wildfeed,

The point of no return.

So we will go read the wildfeed

For which we

Yearn

We yearn!

We yearn!

We yearn!

SWEET: (spoken) Showtime!

***


End file.
